Cord Cutting

There are people and situations you carry long after they’ve passed — an ex you can’t stop thinking about three months later, a family member whose voice appears in your head when you’re making decisions, a former friendship that still pulls at you with sadness or anger, a work situation that drained you so thoroughly you’re still feeling it weeks on. In energetic and shamanic traditions, these persistent pulls are described as cords: threads of connection between your energy field and that of another person or situation. Cord cutting is the ritual of gently, intentionally severing those threads — not to erase the person or the relationship, but to take back the energy you are still sending them that could be available for your own life.

This is not about hate, erasure or anger. It is about completion. And it is profoundly gentle.

What energetic cords are

In many traditions — shamanic, Reiki, Vedic, Hermetic — the human energy field is understood to extend beyond the physical body and to form connections with others through shared experience, attachment, pain and love. These cords are neutral: love creates them, and loss, grief, anger and obsession maintain them. The cord itself is neither good nor bad. The question is whether it still serves you.

Psychologically, the same phenomenon is understood through a different lens: rumination. When you cannot stop thinking about a person or situation, you are directing your mental and emotional energy toward them repeatedly, keeping the neural pathways of that connection active and reinforced. Cord cutting is, in psychological terms, a symbolic act of intentional disengagement — a way of telling the unconscious mind: this is complete, I am redirecting my energy.

Who to cut cords with

• A former partner you cannot stop replaying, months or years after the relationship ended
• A family member whose approval (or disapproval) still drives your choices without your full consent
• A friend whose presence or absence you’re still emotionally processing
• A difficult colleague or boss whose energy you brought home and couldn’t leave at work
• A situation — a job, a chapter, a place — you’ve physically left but haven’t yet emotionally left
• Anyone whose voice appears in your head when you’re making important decisions about your own life

You can cut cords with people you still love and are still in relationship with. The cord you’re cutting is the one of unhealthy enmeshment, dependency or drain — not the loving connection, which remains.

The cord cutting ritual

1. Prepare your space. Sit somewhere quiet and still. You might light a candle. Close your eyes and breathe slowly for a few minutes, until you feel settled and inward.
2. Ground yourself. Feel your feet on the floor. Breathe deeply. Imagine roots growing from you into the earth — you are stable, held, safe. This is important: you need to be in your own centre before working with someone else’s energy.
3. Call the person or situation to mind. Not with force — gently, like letting an image arise. Allow yourself to feel what you feel about them: the pull, the sadness, the frustration, whatever is true.
4. Visualise the cord. Imagine a cord of light or energy connecting you to them — often at the solar plexus or heart, wherever you feel the pull most strongly. Notice its quality: thick or thin, bright or dim, tight or loose.
5. Acknowledge and thank. Before cutting, spend a moment with gratitude for what this connection taught you. Even in painful relationships, something was offered or learned. Thank it genuinely — this is not performance, and it is not permission for what hurt you. It is simply completing the accounting so you can leave without resentment holding the cord in place.
6. Cut gently. Imagine a beam of light — or a golden pair of scissors, or a gentle flame — severing the cord cleanly between you. Not with violence; with decision. See your side of the cord sealing over gently, healed and whole.
7. Call yourself back. Take a few breaths. Feel your feet on the ground again. Notice the difference — even small. You may feel lighter, or sad, or peaceful, or nothing obvious. All of these are complete responses.
8. Close with intention. State (aloud or to yourself): "I release this cord with love and completion. My energy returns to me. I am whole."

Important: the quality of the cut

Cord cutting done in anger doesn’t fully work — because resentment itself is a cord. The more firmly you hate or resent the person you’re trying to separate from, the more tightly you are connected to them. Anger is one of the most energetically binding emotions that exists. The ritual asks you to cut with completion, not contempt — to leave through the door of "this is done," not through the window of "I hate you."

If you can’t yet find gratitude or peace, you can simply acknowledge: "I don’t know how to thank this yet. But I am complete with it." That is enough to begin.

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Frequently asked

How do I do a cord cutting?

Settle somewhere quiet and ground yourself. Close your eyes, breathe. Visualise the person or situation and the cord connecting you — often felt at the solar plexus or heart. Acknowledge what the connection taught you with genuine gratitude. Then imagine the cord being gently and cleanly cut with light. See your side sealing over, whole. Call your energy back to yourself. Close with an intention of completion.

When should I do a cord cutting?

After a breakup or loss, when you can’t stop thinking about someone months later, when someone who’s no longer in your life still seems to drive your decisions, after leaving a draining job or situation, or whenever you notice you are sending disproportionate amounts of energy to someone or something outside of you.

Does cord cutting mean I stop caring about the person?

No. You are cutting the cord of unhealthy energetic drain, enmeshment or obsession — not the cord of love, if it exists. You can still love someone and choose not to be energetically drained by them. The ritual severs the unhealthy attachment while leaving the genuine care intact.

What if I feel nothing during the ritual?

That’s fine. Cord cutting works at a level that isn’t always immediately felt. Many people notice the shift in the hours or days after — a sudden ability to think of the person without being pulled, a lightness, a decrease in rumination. Don’t judge the ritual by how dramatic it felt in the moment.

Can I cut cords with people I’m still in relationship with?

Yes. You can cut cords with a family member you’re still close to, a partner, or a friend — specifically the cord of unhealthy enmeshment, caretaking, dependency or drain. Cutting that cord doesn’t end the relationship; it clears the part of the connection that is costing you. Often it actually improves the relationship, because you stop resenting them for what you were unconsciously giving them.

For wellbeing & reflection ✦ gentle self-care, not a substitute for medical or psychological support. 🌙